


Growing Up Severus Snape

by Sev1970 (mk_malfoy)



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-18
Updated: 2007-08-18
Packaged: 2017-10-03 23:40:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_malfoy/pseuds/Sev1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A glimpse of what our tragic hero faced as a child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Growing Up Severus Snape

**Title**: Growing Up Severus Snape  
**Author**: Sev1970/MK Malfoy  
**Date**: August 18 - 26, 2007  
**Summary**: A glimpse of what our tragic hero (if you will) faced as a child.  
**Rating**: R  
**Warnings**: DH Spoilers, Character Death, Violence (including attempted non-con), and just all-around angst  
**Character**: Severus Snape  
**Word Count**: 5,943  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing Harry Potter related. It all belongs to J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and any other entities involved.  
**A/N's**: Thanks so much to Magdelena and Zippityfeets for beta'ing this. It has been a difficult fic to write because I could have easily turned it into an epic, but I chose not to; I hope it was a good decision.  
Lily is in this fic, but as it is not a relationship fic, it is being labeled as a gen fic.  
Because I wanted to explore other events in Severus's life, I have not included any of the Snape-related scenes we have been privy to in canon, with one exception, and you can probably guess which one that is.

~*~

A little head appeared at the door leading to the kitchen, large, wide eyes surveying their surroundings as if searching for trespassers. After a few seconds, the diminutive body joined the head and a thin, tiny boy entered the cold room dragging a tatty old blanket that looked as if it had seen one too many wash-cycles. Looking at his mother through his shoulder-length greasy hair that mostly hid his dark, sad eyes, he shrugged his shoulders as he wrapped his much-too-thin arms around his body for warmth.

"Severus? Where is your coat? We need to leave. Your father will not be happy if we are late."

"I don't want to go. Those people are not very nice, Mummy." Severus wrapped a piece of the unraveling material from the old blanket around his index finger as he looked up at his mother pleadingly. "Why do we have to be poor?"

"Go get your coat now. If you make us late, you know what will happen. You know it is best to keep your father happy."

Skulking off to his room, Severus found the much-too-large coat and tried putting it on. It was rather difficult with his short arms, but he finally got it on and buttoned it. Looking down at himself as he left his room, he smiled at the way the coat billowed out around him when he walked: it made him feel smart, although he hadn't a clue why.

Walking back to the kitchen, he picked up the blanket that he had thrown down on the floor, and glared at his mother. "When is father ever happy?" Gathering the thin blanket closer to him, Severus walked to the door and opened it before looking back at his mother, one of his hands removing a strand of hair from his eyes. "When I grow up and get married, I am going to make certain my family does not hate me." The little boy then exited the house and dragged his blanket behind him to the car where he waited for his mum and dad.

Unconsciously, Severus brought his thumb to his mouth. It was so unfair. He hated being poor; he hated wearing ugly clothes; he hated his father; he hated everything about where he lived. He knew there had to be a better world out there, and he intended on finding it. He would never allow anyone to tell him what to do and how to live his life when he left. He would have the kind of life that the little redhead girl he watched from afar had – her family loved her; Severus could easily see that she was surrounded by love. She was always laughing, and the way her parents looked at her, well it was the kind of look Severus craved. He wanted to be that happy and carefree.

"Give me the blanket, Severus."

Severus's eyes grew as he watched his father walking towards the car, a menacing look on his face, and he quickly took his thumb from his mouth as he hugged the blanket closer to him. He began backing up, but knowing his father's destination was wherever Severus was, made his movements meaningless. But still he moved as far away as he could, trying to stave off the eventual confrontation as long as possible. He wanted to yell out in fear but he daren't do so unless he wanted that large hand to find its way across his small face. Some days he was defiant and provoked his dad, but today Severus was not brave enough to do so. His bum was still sore from the previous day's incident when he had tried to defend his mother.

"You're a big boy now; a four-year-old carrying around a blanket all the time is not normal. It makes you look like a big baby."

Severus backed up until he was against the car, trying to keep the blanket from his dad, who was closing in on him.

"Please, Daddy, please don't take it."

"Pathetic."

The blanket was literally ripped out of his hands, and Severus let out a small whimper as he watched his father rip it in two. He almost began to cry, but that would cause his mother to become upset, and Severus did not want his mum to get in trouble trying to defend him, so he stifled the sniffles, knowing he would release them in the solitude of his bedroom when he went to bed, just as he always did.

As the car door was opened for him, he quickly entered the back seat and scooted over as far away from his father as possible. He saw his mum walking towards the car looking at his dad with a frown on her face. Nothing good was going to come of this.

"You didn't have to rip it, Tobias," Eileen Snape said. "It was yours, after all."

"Yes, it was mine when I was baby. When I was no longer a baby, my mother took it from me."

"Yes, and we should all be quick to follow her example, should we? Your mother is the last person I want to be used as an example how to raise my son."

Little eyes teared-up as Severus shook his head. Why did his mother choose to push his father? She should know by now she would never win. No one other than Tobias Snape ever won in the Snape household.

~*~

"Tobias, I am accustomed to your harsh treatment of me, but must you constantly berate your son? He tries so hard to gain your acceptance, and all you can do is deride his attempts to do so."

"He is seven years old, Eileen. He is old enough to help around the house now, yet he still sucks his thumb. I dare say that would look smart to the neighbours: Severus weeding the garden with that stupid thumb in his mouth. If you were a proper mother, you would have broken him of that bad habit years ago, but of course…"

Severus closed the door to his room with a flick of his mother's wand, which was kept in his room so his father would not find it. He was sat on his bed, thumb in his mouth, legs crossed, a book open in front of him, tears smearing the words that told the story of Cinderella. He wiped away the tears and looked out the small window at the discarded wicket, ball and bat that were spread across the yard.

He had been so happy minutes earlier: his dad had been giving him some helpful advice about how to hit the ball easier, but when Severus missed hitting it twice, his dad had made a comment about little girls who suck their thumbs not being built for Cricket. Severus had stared at his dad for a few seconds, his chin trembling, before running into the house and into his room. He really did try not to suck his thumb, and he knew it was not normal for a seven-year-old, but it was his lifeline, and without that little bit of security, he felt lost.

~*~

"I am ashamed of him. I can't even take him round to my mates' houses because he's a freak just like you. Bob Hoggin's boy, Zack… now he is a proper boy who would make any father proud. Severus seems to thrive on disappointing me. And now he got accepted to that freak…"

Outside, not that many feet from the open kitchen window, two young children stared aptly at each other, the boy looking sad and angry as he stood up, the girl, fearful.

"Severus, don't!" said the little red-headed girl. "He will just yell at you. Please stay out here," begged the now crying girl.

"I hate him, Lily. I hate him. How dare he treat my mum and me like that. She is not a freak, and neither am I. He is the freak and I hope he dies. I wish I could kill him."

"Don't say that, Sev, you don't really mean it."

Severus studied his young friend who he thought he knew. She was the only person who knew him, that was for sure. Lily Evans was his only friend.

"I do mean it. He has made my mum's life miserable, and I hate him for it." Severus jerked his head around when he heard someone walking through the overgrown grass and grimaced when he saw that it was Petunia, Lily's no-good sister. As the older girl opened her mouth to speak, Severus sighed, and then glared at her.

"Don't roll your eyes at me, boy. You may have my sister fooled, but not me. You are a freak, Severus Snape, and nothing is going to change that. You'd think that you'd wash your hair or try to look presentable for my sister since we know you fancy her, but no, you must not care that you stink, I guess."

"Shut up, Tuney."

"Mum said not to say that. I'm gonna tell."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Go on then, run home and tell Mummy that your sister told you to shut up and that it hurt your little feelings." Severus smirked as he watched Petunia turn around and begin to walk away.

"Tea is going to be ready in ten minutes. Don't be late," Petunia called out over her shoulder.

Severus mouthed a few choice words behind the retreating back.

"I'll be there," Lily said before turning back to Severus. "She's just upset, Sev, because she can't go to Hogwarts."

"And thank Merlin for that."

"That's mean, Sev."

"Yeah, well, she's not exactly nice to me, is she?"

"Give her a chance."

Severus sighed as he sat down across from Lily. "You are hopeless, you know. She could care less what happens to you and you think she is the best thing ever."

"She's my sister, Severus, what am I supposed to do? Hate her? She doesn't mean to act so terrible."

Severus shook his head and smiled. He guessed this was why he was so attracted to Lily – she was inherently good, the complete opposite of him.

"Severus? Inside now!" yelled the gruff male voice of his father.

Standing up, the skinny eleven-year-old frowned as he looked over his shoulder. "Father sounds mad. I better go."

"Two days, right? In two days we'll be on our way to Hogwarts," Lily said as she watched Severus looking dejected. "It's going to be okay then. Your dad won't be at school with us."

That reassuring smile that Lily always gave him once again managed to elicit the slightest twitch upwards of Severus's lips, and the small laugh that it caused in the girl made it widen.

"Yeah, thank goodness for that."

No one but Lily would ever smile at him like that, but that was fine with him because all he needed was the redhead who was his best friend. With her he could face anything. "I'll see you on the first, yes?"

"Yes."

The diminutive boy watched as Lily Evans walked towards her house, and only turned away when he could no longer see the long shimmering hair bouncing up and down as Lily skipped over the small hill.

He already missed her. She was the only reason Severus had remained sane over the past couple of years, and even though they were only eleven, Severus already had the idea in his head that one day Lily Evans would become his wife and then they could have a son whom they would both love. He would never allow his son to feel unloved as he had been made to feel.

He reluctantly turned around, slowly made his way to his own house and regretfully entered the kitchen, having an ominous feeling about what was about to transpire. History dictated that Severus needed to be shown his place in the world – a world where no one the likes of Lily Evans would ever give Severus Snape the time of day once they realised what a freak he was.

"What did I do now?" Severus spat out as his father looked up at him from his spot at the rickety table in the corner of the kitchen.

"Don't take that tone with me, boy. Your mother is taking you to London tomorrow to purchase your school things, and I want you to look somewhat presentable when you are fitted for your er… uniform, so you will go wash your hair. There is a bottle of shampoo by the bath. There are trousers and a shirt on your bed which you will wear until you change into your uniform. They are not what _you_ would deem acceptable, but they are the best I could find. I will not have those freaks at the school thinking my son is unhygienic. I am leaving; I will not be seeing you again before you leave."

Without a goodbye, his father walked out the door and Severus turned his head when his mother entered from the passage that led to their rooms.

"I told him I wanted him out," said Severus's sullen-looking mother.

As much as he wanted to smile, Severus couldn't. Yes, his father might have left, but what difference would that make now? It was eleven years too late, but Severus had to admit that it was better than his father staying so he could cause further damage. Severus and his mother would be better off without him. All Severus had ever wanted and needed was his mother's love. He had never received it, but he was still hopeful. He hadn't completely grown up yet.

Maybe at one point she had indeed loved him, but years of beatings and emotional torture had done their job and now the woman who had given birth to Severus eleven years earlier merely tolerated him. She had no feelings of warmth towards the young boy.

"I love you, Mum."

~*~

"Hello. My name is Lucius Malfoy. My friends and I were just discussing a dilemma we are having, and you might be able to help us out."

Looking over at the Gryffindor table and looking longingly at Lily, who was talking with a group of girls, Severus turned back to the tall boy who carried himself as though he was someone important. It reminded Severus of his father. That could not be a good thing.

"How so?" asked Severus.

"One of our group left in June and we are looking for someone to replace him. You seem to exude that certain aura which we are looking for."

A real piece of work was what Severus thought about the seventh year, but he knew this Lucius Malfoy person was obviously someone who people respected. Perhaps there was something to be gained by getting in good with him and his fellow friends.

~*~

Severus sat down, knowing he must look quite odd. Lifting his hand, he touched his cheek and smiled. "What was that for?"

"I just wanted to thank you for what you said earlier when that dreadful girl called me a Mudblood."

Why was it that when he was around Lily he smiled non-stop? "But you kissed me. Why?"

"On the cheek, Severus. It is not as if I decided to declare my undying love to you."

"Oh, right. Yeah well, thanks… I think."

"Are you okay? I'll be sure never to kiss you again if this is how you are going to react. If I didn't know better, I'd say you didn't like it."

"No, it's not that at all. No, definitely not." Severus was beginning to feel very uncomfortable.

"Okay, well, I better go; the train is leaving in half an hour. Do try and behave while I'm gone. I know you think Lucius Malfoy is harmless, but I think otherwise. I don't trust him."

"You just don't understand him, Lily; he's brilliant. You should hear some of his ideas."

"Hm, well, I don't trust him; he looks at me with contempt, and he knows the two of us are friendly. I have a bad feeling, Severus. Just watch yourself, okay?"

Severus nodded. "Tell Petunia we're engaged to be married; it should make her day."

"You are incorrigible, Sev."

"I do try."

~*~

Severus stood up from the table and nodded towards Lucius. The boy really was quite adept at the Dark Arts, even more so than Severus. With any luck, the two of them would end up comparing notes and putting their vast knowledge to good use.

For some reason though, Lucius was being reticent about fully allowing Severus into their group. The two ate together and met in between lessons, but in the evenings, he was not allowed to participate in their group meetings, and he wasn't sure why. He had done everything asked of him, even helping some of the older boys with their revision.

Perhaps Lily had been correct and this boy was not someone he needed to be friends with, but Severus really wanted to believe he was making another friend. Was it so bad that he wanted to have two friends? Lily was great, really she was, and she was the one Severus wanted to marry, but Lucius Malfoy, unlike Lily, would realise why the Dark Arts were so important to Severus.

~*~

"What's wrong, Severus?"

Shaking his head, Severus looked out the window and watched as the countryside passed by. "I don't want to leave." There had never been anything in his life that had made Severus as happy as being at Hogwarts. Now he was going home. It was going to be a long two months.

"You won't be alone, Sev. We'll be together."

Severus looked over at Lily and stared into her beautiful eyes. "Will you promise me something, Lily?"

"Yeah, anything."

"Never settle for anything because it is easy. You deserve the best in life. Don't ever let anyone treat you less than you deserve to be treated."

"Okay. You need to do the same though. You are a good person, Severus Snape, no matter what your father told you growing up. You have a good heart and you have a lot of love to give."

That smile again. For him. Lily Evans was the sun and the moon, and she was the light in Severus's eyes.

~*~

Sitting at the bottom of the small hill that led to Lily's house, Severus looked up at the sky. It was going to rain… nothing new as it rained just about every day it seemed. The gloomy weather mirrored Severus's mood. Lily was on holiday with her family and would not be returning until the day before they left for Hogwarts, and that was a month away.

It was wrong that Severus's very happiness was wrapped around a young girl, but it was not anything he had meant to happen. How could he have known that he would meet someone who was so loving? Only someone with Lily's demeanor would have put up with Severus, and he knew how lucky he was. He was constantly pushing his limits with her and she had scolded him verbally on more than a few occasions, but she had always forgiven him.

~*~

Loud voices coming from the kitchen woke Severus. He got out of bed and found his wand, then walked to the door and cracked it open. His stomach lurched: his father was standing over his mum, who was cowering in the corner. He looked mad, and Severus was sure he was pissed, probably from his damned whiskey.

"You promised you would never come back, Tobias."

"And you believed me, did you? You really are pathetic, woman, you know that? This is my home, not yours. I was the one who worked so you and Severus could live here. If anyone is leaving, it is going to be you. I am staying, and so is Severus. In fact, I think I want you gone today. You have your mummy to run to; she did try to warn you about me when you got pregnant, did she not?"

Severus went to open the door further but stopped when his mother looked at him shaking her head. Severus could see that she had been hit – there was blood coursing down her cheek. What was he supposed to do? He wasn't going to allow his dad to force his mum to leave, but Severus didn't have any recourse. He was a scrawny twelve-year old and his dad was a large man who would not think twice before hurting Severus. He had done it far too many times already.

"Please, Tobias! I'll go now, just let me take Severus… please."

As he stood in the doorway watching his mum beg, Severus swore that he would kill the man if it was the last thing he did.

"You cannot support the two of you, woman. I do not know how you lived by yourself as it is. What did you do, Eileen? Did you whore yourself to the neighbours?"

Severus's tears gave him away and he cowered back as his dad jerked open the door and pulled him through. "Think you can protect her, do you? You are as weak as she is, boy. I could snuff out your life with one punch; how would you like that? Or how would you like to watch the life run out of your mum? Perhaps you'd like to watch as I kill her. I hear that you have been dabbling in some rather dark aspects of magic, or as it were, darker than the freak magic that your mother says is normal, am I correct? Freak, I say. Well, if you are so interested in this dark magic nonsense and believe that it can get you ahead in life, why don't we do a little experiment. I saw you yesterday afternoon as you did something to an owl. You made it writhe around, and I watched as you killed it. What was it, Severus? Let me see how adept you are at this magic you seem to love so much. Let me see you do it to your mum."

"NO!" Now Severus was shaking. This was bad. His dad couldn't know what he was saying. Even he, who had done unspeakable things to him and his mother, would never ask this if he was in his right mind.

"What was it that you said? Something like Crushio, was it? I know what it did and I want to see how your mum reacts. Do it, now!"

Severus shook his head, tears pouring down his face. "I won't."

"You will," roared the large man who had lifted his hand and was about to lower it, probably across Severus's face.

"Kill me, father. Kill me now, but I will not do this to my mother."

"Oh, so you would rather watch me do something to her then? Oh, I see how it is. Very well." Tobias Snape made two strides across the room and pulled his wife to him. "Your son has a little girlfriend, but she won't give him the time of day in a few years, just as you won't give me the time of day. He'll have to get his jollies as I do, I guess…by force."

Severus slid down the wall not knowing what to do. He watched as his dad removed his mother's dress, and watched as he turned her around, and he cringed as she screamed.

"Crucio," Severus began repeating, not quite understanding what was happening. It was his voice speaking the curse, but he had not wanted to do it, so how was it that he was now performing an Unforgivable on his mother?

Severus watched as his mum began to scream and then as blood poured from her mouth. Seconds later he stopped the curse and collapsed in on himself, wanting to die.

When he awoke, his mum was sitting over him caressing his cheek. She looked horrible, but she was smiling.

"I'm so sorry, Severus. But he would have killed me had you not done it, and there's no telling what he would have done to you."

"But I didn't mean to do it." Severus watched as his mum smiled sadly at him. "Where is he?"

"Gone."

"But he'll come back, I know it."

"He won't. You aren't the only one versed in the Dark Arts, Severus."

~*~

"What is wrong, Severus?"

He couldn't say anything. Lily knew his home life was bad, but Severus couldn't tell her how bad it had got while she had been gone. All he could do was shrug his shoulders.

"You can tell me anything, Severus, anything."

Not this, he couldn't. He had performed an Unforgivable on his mother, even if she had performed an Unforgivable (without a wand!) on him in order to make him do it. He had done something that could get him put in Azkaban. Even if he was only twelve, he was still responsible for what he had done.

"Did your father come back?"

Severus looked at Lily, his face impassive, his heart heavy. She had no idea what it was like for him. She had no idea that he longed for her life. A small hand reached out and covered his. Severus tried pulling his away, but Lily shook her head as a tear fell down her face.

"I'm sorry, Severus. I wish I could do something. Maybe you can come live with us. Mum and Dad will keep you safe."

Closing his eyes, Severus shook his head. Oh how he would love to do just that, but he never could or would because he would never leave his mum alone.

"It's not fair, Sev. Why is it that my parents are so loving and yours aren't? You deserve to be happy."

Again a shake of the head. Severus didn't deserve any such thing. Opening his eyes, he stared at Lily. Somehow, looking in her eyes calmed him.

~*~

"Happy fourteenth, Sev!"

As a package was thrust into his hands, Severus opened it as he smiled at the young witch who was looking excitedly at him.

"I hope you like it."

As he opened the small box, he smiled and looked up at Lily. "It's beautiful." He pulled out the small pendant of a snake and gryffin wrapped around one another: the gryffin had two emerald eyes and the snake had two ruby eyes. It was the best present Severus had ever received. He was speechless as he tried speaking. Instead he looked back down at the pendant and stared at the two emerald eyes.

His Lily. His Lily had given him something to carry with him, something that would always remind him of her.

"I asked Professor Dumbledore to place protective charms on it."

Severus swallowed as he set the box down. "Thank you, Lily." Severus looked into Lily's eyes and he felt himself nearing her. He tried to stop, but couldn't. And then they were kissing. It was short and sweet and it was over far too quickly, but a kiss it had been. The two stared at each other for a few seconds more, then Severus picked up the box again. "You are my best friend, Lily Evans." Bright green eyes smiled at him.

"It's good to know that Lucius Malfoy has not taken my place."

"He'll never take the place of you." Severus was as certain of this as he was that the sun would rise again in the morning.

"I hope not."

~*~

Miserable. That was the only word that fit Severus Snape -- he was hopeless. Everything in his life was bad. He had been reared by parents who hated him and now he had gone and lost his best friend because he had been trying to impress Mulciber and Avery. In the past Lily had always forgiven him, but not this time. Severus knew that there would be no next times – Lily was gone and she wasn't going to come back. They all left him in the end. But it was better that way. He was better alone. He didn't need anyone.

"Take me to him."

"You are certain, Severus?"

"Oh yes. Lucius has been chatting me up about him and it is time I see what this Lord Voldemort is all about." Severus sounded much more confident than he felt. He noticed the small smile forming on Avery's face, and it didn't make him feel any better. While Severus trusted Lucius, he was not so keen on Avery, but as Avery and Lucius were best friends it seemed, Severus had no choice but to put up with Avery.

"Our Lord will be most pleased to see you, Severus. You seem to be in the perfect position to help him."

"Do I? And how am _I_, a mere fifth year, in a position to help him?"

"You might be young in years, but you are wise in the ways of the Dark Lord. He will take a liking to you, Severus, mark my words."

~*~

He sat before the freshly dug grave, tears streaming down his face. She had been all he had for most of his life, and now she was gone. How was Severus to go on without his mum?

"Hi, Severus."

Lily. Reining in his emotions, Severus looked up at the sad-looking young witch standing before him. "Hi."

"I'm really sorry about your mum."

"Thanks." Severus turned away from Lily and shook his head. "She seemed fine when I was here last. I don't understand what happened."

"Tuney said she saw a group of people leaving your house a few hours before your mother was found. She said one of them had long blond hair."

There was no censure in her voice, but Severus knew what she was thinking. "It wasn't him."

"Wasn't it, Severus? Lucius is bad, and you know that. How can you sit there and defend the person who probably killed your mother? I know you were marked, so don't deny it. I don't know what they have over you, but it must be something big because the Severus Snape I know would never join Lucius and his gang willingly. I hear your master is all for purebloods. Is that how it is with you now? Have you changed your mind? Do you believe that I am someone not worthy of being a witch because of my blood? Tell me, Severus."

Severus stood and left Lily standing before his mother's grave. He couldn't speak. He couldn't admit she might be right. Nor could he admit that he had done everything he had in order to save her life.

~*~

"You never were good enough for her, Snivellus. She might have fancied herself in love with you when the two of you were younger, but fortunately she came to her senses and found out just what kind of a person you really are. Who would want to ally themselves with someone whose gang of friends killed his mother? You are a sick fuck, Snape, and I'm going to warn you right now that if you ever come round and try to insert yourself in Lily's life again, I'll make sure you'll never have children. You aren't the only one who can do dark magic, you know. James and Lily are my friends, not yours, so keep your snotty nose out of our lives."

As the taller black-headed boy walked away, Severus felt himself shaking. What Black said was true. Why would Lily want him? Why would anyone want him?

~*~

Stumbling into the dark house, Severus dragged himself to his old room and collapsed on the bed, which was now falling apart. He was cold, far more than he had ever been as a little boy on those cold and damp winter nights spent in this very room. He wondered briefly if there weren't Dementors near, but no, the only thing that was lingering around Spinner's End this night, was guilt: Severus's. He had just found out that because of him, the one person in his life who had ever cared for him, was dead – had been killed by the Dark Lord, all because Severus had told him about the prophecy. Severus had killed Lily.

"No. Lily, no. Not My Lily. No. No. No."

Forcing himself to sit up, a shaking Severus stood, walked over to the small wardrobe and opened it. After removing various insignificant trinkets, Severus withdrew the small pendent Lily had given him all those years ago. The Silver was tarnished, but Severus didn't care. He brought the precious object to his lips and kissed it as tears fell down his face.

"I love you, Lily."

Tucking the pendent in his cloak pocket, Severus closed the wardrobe and exited the room. He walked through the dilapidated house and Disapparated.

~*~

Severus approached the tree that had been the sight of his near death all those years ago, and shivered. His last trip into the shrieking shack had been a memorable one, and had almost resulted in his killing Black, which would have been wonderful in Severus's mind, but it had also almost resulted in Potter's death. Twenty years earlier, a Potter's death would have made Severus smile, as wrong as that seemed, but that had been another time and another Potter. _Harry_ Potter was Lily's son, and as such, Severus had made it his life's mission to keep the boy safe.

He had kept his promise, as difficult as it had been. Harry and his friends had made it almost impossible for Severus to protect them, but Severus was, if not honourable, determined, and keeping Lily Evans's son safe was his primary goal in life. To that end he would do anything to achieve the end-result he expected.

As he approached the Dark Lord, his eyes found the snake and Severus felt uneasy. Something was wrong. He listened to what the Dark Lord began saying but he wasn't really paying attention. He knew. He wasn't sure how, but he knew what was going to happen. His life was about to end.

When he saw, as if in slow motion, as the container with Nagini was being lowered on top of him, Severus closed his eyes and in his mind saw Lily and himself as they had been on his fourteenth birthday when she had given him the pendent. He savoured the image as he screamed out his pain when two fangs sank into his neck. It was physical pain unlike anything he had ever felt, but it was nothing to the emotional pain he had felt ever since he had lost his Lily.

He was losing consciousness but he thought he saw Potter. It couldn't be, but it was. He heard himself speak, although he wasn't certain what he was saying. He wanted the boy to know… he needed the boy to know. He grabbed onto the boy, his grip weak. He needed to see those eyes, and he needed to see the pendant that had been transfigured into a pouch that was now hanging around Harry's neck.

"Look at Me."

In that moment when green eyes met black, there was no James Potter in the boy, only Lily Evans. All of her goodness and love was emanating from her son. For the first time, Severus saw himself in Harry Potter; the boy Severus had been – the scared and vulnerable boy who had wanted love. Harry was not so different from him. Severus wanted to tell Harry he was sorry.

As he tried to open his mouth, his life ran out.

~*~

The End


End file.
